Childbirth,

The most violent contact sport. Continued from February 2008

Swaddled and protected inside my body, the baby does the utmost to try to find a comfortable position. Sometimes, it is to mommy's comfort and then the baby gets way to big to house comfortably. Morning and night mother tries to find a way to sleep that will not impinge on baby's comfort. There is a struggle between mother's comfort and baby's. I had one who lodged herself in the crevace of my thigh, it seemed and I couldn't walk without feeling her head, blocking my joints from full motion. That is what it felt like. She was making her own way inside my body and she has been making her own way ever since. Some babies are placid and go the right way and turn and move at the right time, even then, the consideration is when is this baby going to get out of me. My maternal comfort will never be the same.
It eats what I eat when it is in me and my stomach and gas and indigestion and morning sickness is a monument that another human being has taken up residence and is fighting or pounding my insides. I am torn by love and comfort. I can decide whether to enjoy the ride of this season, or fight against the process of human reproduction which is happening inside me.
Thank God for the painkillers which have allowed the birthing process to have much less discomfort, but, I was one of those stalwart ones who would have none of those. The first 4 pregnancies, I went without any meds at all. A horrible thought. I am terrorized at the thought of going through that pain for hours without meds. Take the medicine! They are going to suffer with brain damage with or without the meds. You really can't tell the difference, in their personalities with or without meds. It's your mind lost or theirs. I say, they will grow new brain cells, so you take the meds because you will need your entire mind to raise them. Take the meds! Whatever deadens the pain and allows you the most comfort in childbirth take it! Don't ever do what I did! The most people who tell you to go without meds are men who don't go through the pain and like to see the result of an awake and lucid baby after the process is over.
It is a violent process. It is a primitive process. There are forces at work that are far outside of your control. You have the worst pain you have ever endured. You have the greatest love that you have ever experienced and you have to share this with somebody who doesn't feel anything of the pain himself and claims as much a right to this little one as you. Are you kidding me? "You are going to take some of the credit for this beautiful creation of God that I am holding after the little part that you played?" I love you and everything, but I am not sharing my moment in the sun with my baby with anybody. Then the baby poops or throws up and you gladly give it to the partner parent and blame that part of the baby on him. :) The beautiful part belongs to me and the ugly part is the other guy's fault. We can't have everything!:{.