I'll not go into the promises I made to God, if He would let me keep my baby.

I stand ever in gratitude for every one of those 21 days of blessed remembrance which are etched indelibly on my mind, through grief. They hurt worse than tongue can say. I am often angry, but also grateful, if someone can understand that. God has let me grieve and talk lucidly to Him in my grief. He is the only one who can understand the pain that the memory brings and the pain that the heart and mind try to reach for in comfort for the loss. There is a comfort that comes, from His mighty hand and the going through the grief process is the only way to enter into that comforting relationship with God. I didn't know that then. God and the precious sense of His love in the beauty and loving hugs of family and friends are sometimes the only comfort the soul can find. There is no stable ground inside of your soul. Everything seems to be shaken, only God's comfort is constant. The hymnwriter said, when all around my soul gives way. That is what he was talking about. I would wish that no one would feel all around their soul give way. Mind and heart and flesh to fail, but if they do, God is still constant. Where shall I go from your spirit? said the Psalmist. There is nowhere on this earth that is truly God forsaken, only hell is God forsaken. When mind and heart are lost, even in distress and pain there is still the light of the sun and the colors of the rainbow that are constant, even if you cannot see them for the craze. God is everywhere.