There are certain movies that are musts, if you would run the race of motherhood, in my opinion. They are like a banana, they say, when you are running a marathon. When you have flown as hard as you can physically go, you are half way there, from the movie, Gahool.
I love my mamas and grandmamas and I try to remember them with fondness. I know that you will try to do the same, when I am gone. I find some extra impetus and strength, on occasion, from the stories of the other cultures' maternal/child experiences. I Remember Mama is first on my list.
That daughter studies and lays out for us, the way and skill that her mother had, in negotiating the multiple relationships in her life in a strange land, with her children and husband as a priority. Life gets so complicated and their life was complicated, by the multitude of close relationships and responsibilities that they had. It was clear that it was not because her husband was not the leader in the home, but because he was, that she had the liberty to use her gifts for the upbuilding and love of her children and others.
Mama's love of thrift and consideration, taught her children certain priorities in their lives. I am always struck, in movies, how the heart of an aching mother for her ill child is shown by others, who may have not had that experience.
In the scene of Dagmar's hospitalization, mama gets on her knees and she shocked the tough heart of her most cynical daughter, by doing so. They are such students of our behavior. The daughters were concerned about their sister, it was clear. "Is she sick, is she worsened or better?" Mama?
These life and death struggles of soul are the daily fare of motherhood. In my family the cat would have been put out immediately, before the sickness would have come upon the house. The prevention of those kinds of things are the bent of my maternal heritage.
I remember hearing stories of cat sicknesses, coming upon the children and the expectant mothers and it was taboo, for a child or a woman to be too close to these, "fungal animals" in my upbringing. It was obvious that they were also aware and their aunties had told them the stories also, but love and relationship and children pursuing their bent in life was a higher priority.
I was struck that the care of their mother's emotions was more to the girls than the concern of their sister's well being. This is also a reverse of my family upbringing. Sisterhood, is everything in my family love priority. Mother is secondary to the sisterhood. It must have been Mu that inculcated that to the family, since she was so far from her family love. I grew up with Aunts that were closer than anything. Grandmas and grandaunts who lived and died in eachother's arms. Care of mother's emotions was never even looked at. These girls cared about their mother's concerns. Her dropping to her knees, out of turn was heartwrenching to them.
Clearness of mind came to the mother, there on her knees, scrubbing her floor. It was not God, it was not prayer, perse'. It was clarity and cunning that came to her on her knees there. She thought of a way to get to her child. There must be some way to get to my child. Only when the barricade is manmade, can cunning of maternal pursuit be appreciated. I promised my baby that I would be at her bed, when she awoke; Rules not withstanding.
When the ground has swallowed up the fruit of your womb, that is a barricade that cannot be crossed. That is the barricade set up by God. No person can pass that place. They set up human barricades to divide mother from child and on the knees, we try to cunningly find a way to traverse the generation gaps and the educational gaps and the cultural gaps that are set up to keep us from our sickened children.
Dagmar and mother's embrace, in the hospital room was cathartic to my constant weeping soul. The bereft mother's heart is always in that state, looking for a way to traverse the barricade that God has set up. Catherine, gave me a way to traverse it for a moment as mama got into the hospital room to comfort her little one, my heart is embraced.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
Remember Lot's Wife?
Jesus was not insensitive to the heartbroken condition of circumstances. Oliver Twist, The plight and circumstances of the birth of Oliver Twist.
What were similar to our day? What was different? What are God’s promises to the orphan and the fatherless? Site verses.
Great Expectations Pip Phillip Pirrup---
See the movie schedule it in.
What is the difference between… Him-PIP and Ollie
Mission to motivate gratitude for our day and for the comforts of God’s provision. To sensitize the hardened conscience to the goodness of God in His works and providences. To open the eyes of self centered young fellows to others of lesser circumstances. To sensitize the hardened child to the condition of what is real poverty of soul and condition.
It seems to me, that the men of words in our generation must show themselves in the musical realm. Every other genre, is torn apart for editorial purposes. I have seen more intensity in suturing or slicing the words of instruction and condition into the soul, in music than in any other genre. A picture is worth a thousand words they say. A picture uninspired by words, leaves all to the imagination. A song like, Daughters, a young man’s observation of the sensitivity of the feminine soul, little else needs to be said. I have rarely heard a preacher as sensitive to the human condition. Even in Isaiah, He looked at those women in his days and saw only temptation and sin. Making a pact with ones eyes for generations has left women in the lurch and bereft of Godly counsel when it comes to all of the vicissitudes. Job had friends come to comfort him. Who came to Job’s wife? She was not a person. Jesus understands and made it his business to come to the aid of the distressed and unpersonified women. Women are not just tools for either temptation or use. They are souls and many a godly man has sliced his share of women in the name of the scriptures. Jesus kept saying that is not what the scriptures are telling you to do. He cares about the needs and he allowed that precious woman to pour her sadness upon him. The help of God is in the condition of what men do with the dainty souls that God entrusts to them. Do they deserve what they get, walking around with jingling selves as Isaiah seemed to say? That is not God’s heart. Paul said Elijah was a man of like passions. He didn’t understand women either and still God used him and spoke to him, the same with Isaiah, but we cannot justify what men do, because Isaiah did it. God is judge.
12/6/10---
Remember not to be like her and when you see her, remember to go to her as Jesus did.
What were similar to our day? What was different? What are God’s promises to the orphan and the fatherless? Site verses.
Great Expectations Pip Phillip Pirrup---
See the movie schedule it in.
What is the difference between… Him-PIP and Ollie
Mission to motivate gratitude for our day and for the comforts of God’s provision. To sensitize the hardened conscience to the goodness of God in His works and providences. To open the eyes of self centered young fellows to others of lesser circumstances. To sensitize the hardened child to the condition of what is real poverty of soul and condition.
It seems to me, that the men of words in our generation must show themselves in the musical realm. Every other genre, is torn apart for editorial purposes. I have seen more intensity in suturing or slicing the words of instruction and condition into the soul, in music than in any other genre. A picture is worth a thousand words they say. A picture uninspired by words, leaves all to the imagination. A song like, Daughters, a young man’s observation of the sensitivity of the feminine soul, little else needs to be said. I have rarely heard a preacher as sensitive to the human condition. Even in Isaiah, He looked at those women in his days and saw only temptation and sin. Making a pact with ones eyes for generations has left women in the lurch and bereft of Godly counsel when it comes to all of the vicissitudes. Job had friends come to comfort him. Who came to Job’s wife? She was not a person. Jesus understands and made it his business to come to the aid of the distressed and unpersonified women. Women are not just tools for either temptation or use. They are souls and many a godly man has sliced his share of women in the name of the scriptures. Jesus kept saying that is not what the scriptures are telling you to do. He cares about the needs and he allowed that precious woman to pour her sadness upon him. The help of God is in the condition of what men do with the dainty souls that God entrusts to them. Do they deserve what they get, walking around with jingling selves as Isaiah seemed to say? That is not God’s heart. Paul said Elijah was a man of like passions. He didn’t understand women either and still God used him and spoke to him, the same with Isaiah, but we cannot justify what men do, because Isaiah did it. God is judge.
12/6/10---
Remember not to be like her and when you see her, remember to go to her as Jesus did.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Little Boddens
Little Boddens
Don’t you think we need a boy? No, Yes, No, Yes, No.
Here I am years and years past the little voices who live forever in my memory. They are still alive and they are still little children, although they have all gone on to be adults and beyond, some are gone from us, but I remain, on occasion; a spectator in the little room in 113. Looking out of the window, past Benita’s house, down 113th Ave. Looking at the rest of the world and dreaming of life outside of our wonderland.
5 of us could fit in the length of that little window in that tiny bedroom, not larger than a closet really. Solid pale blue paint was on the walls, from mommy and Miss Bessie’s one long painting fit that day. They had us in the room and though it was small, it didn’t seem very small to the 5 of us at that point. We were not very large ourselves.
I was so grown at 8 years old and the director of our wishing, that day. None of you will wish for anything other than a boy this time, do you hear me? Was it you, who wished for a girl the last time mommy went to the stork’s house? We knew an awful lot about childbirth for being 5 children under 8 years old, but my mommy went to the stork’s house every year or so and we just knew that it was our wishes that sent her there. Who was it, who forgot to wish for a boy last year when Amy was born? Amy rose her hand. We know you wished for a girl, you are a girl and we are glad to have you, but this time we must wish for a boy, do you hear me?
They knew I meant business, when I used my mommy voice. Ju, said, who could wish for anything else. I heard some people saying that mommy shouldn’t have anymore children, if we had a boy. Do you think that she will stop if she has a boy? That is what they say. Well, I hope she has the boy and stops, like the people are saying. I am getting very upset that people are always talking about us. Never mind all that gossip that dad tells us not to do, I said, just make sure you wish the right kind of baby.
We ran to look out of the window. A star was above us. Let’s wish together. It is November 24th, cousin Karla is coming to watch us, it is like Christmas, let’s all wish for a boy. Yeah We closed our eyes and wished together. Jo said, why are we wishing for a boy, I don’t like boys. Jack said, me too. Nevermind, just wish, already, I commanded. I am not wishing for anything, it doesn’t make any difference anyway, said Jack.
The night seemed forever, and we woke up and Aunt Karla looked at us, Mom had a boy, she said matter of factly. Wowywowywow! A Boy!
A Boy!
Don’t you think we need a boy? No, Yes, No, Yes, No.
Here I am years and years past the little voices who live forever in my memory. They are still alive and they are still little children, although they have all gone on to be adults and beyond, some are gone from us, but I remain, on occasion; a spectator in the little room in 113. Looking out of the window, past Benita’s house, down 113th Ave. Looking at the rest of the world and dreaming of life outside of our wonderland.
5 of us could fit in the length of that little window in that tiny bedroom, not larger than a closet really. Solid pale blue paint was on the walls, from mommy and Miss Bessie’s one long painting fit that day. They had us in the room and though it was small, it didn’t seem very small to the 5 of us at that point. We were not very large ourselves.
I was so grown at 8 years old and the director of our wishing, that day. None of you will wish for anything other than a boy this time, do you hear me? Was it you, who wished for a girl the last time mommy went to the stork’s house? We knew an awful lot about childbirth for being 5 children under 8 years old, but my mommy went to the stork’s house every year or so and we just knew that it was our wishes that sent her there. Who was it, who forgot to wish for a boy last year when Amy was born? Amy rose her hand. We know you wished for a girl, you are a girl and we are glad to have you, but this time we must wish for a boy, do you hear me?
They knew I meant business, when I used my mommy voice. Ju, said, who could wish for anything else. I heard some people saying that mommy shouldn’t have anymore children, if we had a boy. Do you think that she will stop if she has a boy? That is what they say. Well, I hope she has the boy and stops, like the people are saying. I am getting very upset that people are always talking about us. Never mind all that gossip that dad tells us not to do, I said, just make sure you wish the right kind of baby.
We ran to look out of the window. A star was above us. Let’s wish together. It is November 24th, cousin Karla is coming to watch us, it is like Christmas, let’s all wish for a boy. Yeah We closed our eyes and wished together. Jo said, why are we wishing for a boy, I don’t like boys. Jack said, me too. Nevermind, just wish, already, I commanded. I am not wishing for anything, it doesn’t make any difference anyway, said Jack.
The night seemed forever, and we woke up and Aunt Karla looked at us, Mom had a boy, she said matter of factly. Wowywowywow! A Boy!
A Boy!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
When the Moon...
Is in the seventh house...
I remember being a little child. The bedroom that we shared seemed an alright place and a mysterious place for a group of little girls to play and at night it became our stage and show place. We caught the moon, nightly, by making up new rhythms to old songs that we knew and singing new harmonies "like alleycats" :).
We sang and sang and one of the songs we sang was Don't sleep in the subway... I am ashamed to say the I just figured out what that song was about today. HA, Ha.
I remember being a little child. The bedroom that we shared seemed an alright place and a mysterious place for a group of little girls to play and at night it became our stage and show place. We caught the moon, nightly, by making up new rhythms to old songs that we knew and singing new harmonies "like alleycats" :).
We sang and sang and one of the songs we sang was Don't sleep in the subway... I am ashamed to say the I just figured out what that song was about today. HA, Ha.
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